I never really gave it much thought

As things have been busy I haven't had the time to blog like I would really like to.. Today I remembered that while sitting in Haiti on November 16th I wrote this in my journal... I just read it again and it still breaks my heart I really wanted to share this!

~~I never really gave it much thought I guess..... the pain this cute big brown eyed 4 year old Haitian boy might really be feeling. You see all pictures we had seen of him he was all smiles and of course those big brown eyes. Well it was very clear after our first night with him of the hurt and abandonment he was feeling. He loved being with us but he was also scared to death scared we were going to leave scared to love us scared to let us in. With Derline it wasn't this was she has really never shown fear or abandonment issues with is she has just been our sweet baby girl who I feel like has always been with us but Juvens he is different and I can see it. My heart breaks for him tonight our second night with him he had a major melt down as we would call it at home. We had been playing in the room after dinner and he had got quiet and then out of nowhere he starts crying at first I think something must be wrong maybe his tummy hurts from all the food he has been eating I begin hugging him telling him its ok.... when really in less then 24 hours his mamma and pappa are getting on a jet plane and leaving him ....abandoning him just as he has felt for the last 4 years. As I am trying to get him to stop crying I start crying and my quiet prayer goes from jesus please comfort my boy allow him to feel your love tonight along with the love mamma and papa has for him then it changes to oh lord please wrap your arms around this mamma and don't let my sweet crying boy see me crying.... I did stop crying and so did Juvens I felt a since of calmness and we then decided to look at pictures from the trip on mamma computer after that we watched toy story 3 which he didn't finish and he is now asleep.... I just pray for strength tomorrow strength for our babies strength for us I know Derline will be fine but I really worry about my little boy. ~~

That passage is real it is how I was feeling at that exact moment my friends... This is hard No this just plan sucks it stinks and I want to just bring our babies home to live with us here in Indiana now! Thats me being selfish I know the lord has great plans for us and only he knows the timing and that timing will be perfect!



Be on your guard, and watch and pray; for you do not know when the time will come. Mark 13: 33

As it was time to leave on Thursday I thought we would be leaving the kids at the hotel with friends and then Miss Chris would come back for them..... That isn't what happened they rode with us to the airport.... Juvens was happy to go for a ride and Derline feel asleep with Zach holding him... so sweet! As we got closer to the airport Chris told us buckle up Juvens .... She then said that way he won't try to get out at the airport when we get out..... Cry this was very sad for me to hear... Sure enough when we went to get out our sweet little Juvens tried to get out to go with mamma and pappa : ( Derline was fine Zach just passed her up to James and that was that.... I felt so sad for Juvens here we were leaving him right in front of his own eyes... so sad now we were abandoning him just as he had felt before.

For now we just Hope~ We hope that this process will go a little faster than we are expecting and we Hope and Pray for comfort for our kids as they wait to come home.