Today Was A Hard Day

Today was a really hard day.... I'm not sure why... it was really just another day but for some reason my heart was really hurting today. Today was the first rainy yucky day that I can recall since coming home from Haiti a month ago.... The weather today was exactly how I felt the day we left...  Yucky, cold, sad, tired,blurry, tearful.....

I haven't really been able to put into words how it felt to leave our baby girl in Haiti... But for some reason today's weather really hit me....  Its all kind of been blurry and gloomy kind of like today's weather... When we left the hotel to head to the airport I had to give Derline to one of the other adoptive moms... I was so thankful that Jan was who I was leaving her with. I loved spending the time I did with Jan and her husband Keith and there 3 boys they are adopting and I knew Derline was going to be allright... I remember handing her to Jan and crying... I told Jan that she might want a bottle and she might want down to crawl around also she might be tired... and if she won't stop crying she likes it when we walk around with her... We had only known our sweet little girl for 7 days and we already knew what she would want....Jan told me she would take good care of her and then we hugged and then we had to go..... Yes thats pretty much what happen I just turned and walked away.... crying walking to the car leaving my baby girl.... 

I remember thinking this isn't right... you don't just leave your child.... why can't she just come home with us now...I had somewhat been prepared for what was going to happen from  another adoptive mom  Deanna she had told me....

"praying for you. this is the way it will go. When you leave her you will cry. Then when you get to the airport you will settle down, be distracted and all that stuff. Be prepared when you get on the plane and take off it will all come back to you and you will start the crying all over. Just want you to know that's the norm. But just keep thinking you are one day closer to bringing that sweet thing home!!!"

How true all of this was... I was so thankful that Deanna had shared these words with me and I knew I was just acting like all other adoptive parents act there wasn't anything wrong with me I was normal and I was missing my little girl!

Everyday that goes by is another day closer to bringing our sweet baby girl home but today was sure a hard day.... I cried several times today something I usually try to just keep in... It felt good to cry...Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak...

For now I have Faith that someday soon we will all be together......

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.